This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: September 13, 2019
September 7
losing my fucking mind pic.twitter.com/NaEAdKIHbF
— sodom's angelic visitor (@PartyAvantHarde) September 7, 2019
Scarlett Johansson auditioning for BAPS 2 pic.twitter.com/faKOBmaxYK
— D'Galen, Prue's Top Apprentice (@theycallmeMr_G) September 7, 2019
It's literally what we do, Maureen. https://t.co/lXFmt5NXK3
— Goodyear Blimp (@GoodyearBlimp) September 7, 2019
September 8
Friends... pic.twitter.com/wWJnnPRC3D
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) September 8, 2019
you know what beach boys yeah it would be fucking nice
— ★ Dumb Blondes Club ★ (@peaceandbruv) September 8, 2019
I'm glad that Obama killed bin Laden before Trump had a chance to become friends with him.
— Travis Allen 🇺🇸 (@TravisAllen02) September 8, 2019
You brought the Taliban to the United States the week of September 11? https://t.co/oxXYweNAOi
— Rep. Eric Swalwell (@RepSwalwell) September 8, 2019
5 answers pic.twitter.com/Oaq78IVQb2
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) September 8, 2019
Nice moment at the theatre in Innsbruck last night...
— John Cleese (@JohnCleese) September 8, 2019
Just before I went on, I asked a stage manager " Will this audience know me better from Monty Python or Fawlty Towers ? "
He replied "I don't know. I've never heard of you "
Aww 🥰 https://t.co/7Ab1lECgXc
— martiñ urbano (@MartinUrbano) September 8, 2019
Twitter is like,
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) September 8, 2019
"Hey, guys. After 15 years of effort I'm finally releasing my life's work. I'm so proud of it and hope you like it"
✨4 likes, 3 retweets✨
"Good thing manatees are in water cuz they look like they'd have a smelly ass"
✨124,729 likes, 78,987 retweets✨
This is big. Most things don't impress her much. https://t.co/l8WyufHoUa
— Josh Shiaman (@JoshShiaman) September 8, 2019
September 9
lol what a pussy ass bitch. tagged everyone but me. an honor, mister president.
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) September 9, 2019
The president has gotten away with a lot of stuff but I truly believe he will regret starting shit with Chrissy Teigen on twitter
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) September 9, 2019
Catch musician @johnlegend, and his filthy mouthed wife, in "BETWEEN TWO FERNS: THE MOVIE," on @netflix worldwide September 20! pic.twitter.com/I9coGgMHV9
— Scott Aukerman (@ScottAukerman) September 9, 2019
Picking a fight with Chrissy Teigen to make everyone forget you randomly tried meet with the Taliban to make everyone forget you drew on a weather map with a sharpie to make everyone forget yo—
— jordan (@JordanUhl) September 9, 2019
Please don't make this foul mouthed hashtag trend #PresidentPussyAssBitch https://t.co/TMaq58hzIx
— John Legend (@johnlegend) September 9, 2019
By Flaming Dancer, the president means "Flamingo Dancer," though it is flamenco, though there is no evidence the woman in question, a former journalist, has ever been a flamenco dancer. pic.twitter.com/U4xmZrvhk2
— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) September 9, 2019
I fixed @SUBWAY's ad. pic.twitter.com/Aa0Akrd5k6
— Luke McGarry (@lukeymcgarry) September 9, 2019
September 10
Hello darkness my old friend.
— Jake Lambert (@LittleLostLad) September 10, 2019
Darkness (2 days later): Sorry just saw this.
Netflix: are you still there?
— Videos Unusual (@VideosUnusual) September 10, 2019
Us: pic.twitter.com/hobieLArqe
Dear corporate hotels, Check-in 4 pm & Check-out 11 am are you sure you even want us to stay?
— Natasha Leggero (@natashaleggero) September 10, 2019
Beyoncé giving Solange permission in the elevator https://t.co/YRXn0Dfz6o
— Ira thee Third (@ira) September 10, 2019
September 11
That's Hilary Clinton's jacket https://t.co/BGaOPyPAJl
— bolu babalola (@BeeBabs) September 12, 2019
There are two types of dogs... pic.twitter.com/WZ9GrPu8ER
— Aussies Doing Things (@aussiesdointhgs) September 11, 2019
the women on Sex and the City: omg he is a fox, hottest guy I've ever seen, I'm dripping wet just looking at him
— ashley ray (@arayyay) September 11, 2019
the guy: pic.twitter.com/ig7ZjyErfq
ME: *opens shutters* My boy! What day is it today?
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) September 11, 2019
ORPHAN: Why, it's brands tweeting weird things about 9/11 day! pic.twitter.com/ABHYb8O1wz
September 12
went to a nude model figure drawing event last night and no one asked me to leave pic.twitter.com/hqkmVkOSMN
— Tommy Siegel (@TommySiegel) September 12, 2019
oh my god what is wrong with you people?????? you're bonkers I love you https://t.co/N4NLOfVY3e
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) September 12, 2019
Vinyl-4-Allpic.twitter.com/ecNY4W37t5
— jordan (@JordanUhl) September 13, 2019
gatorade is short for g'daymateorade
— grahamclark (@grahamclark) September 12, 2019
today SNL announced the hiring of its first cast member of East Asian descent, and also this guy pic.twitter.com/0FAGJZJUkK
— Seth Simons (@sasimons) September 12, 2019
I truly enjoy the annual tradition of trying to destroy a new SNL performer on the happiest day of their life. https://t.co/MW2As48UCg
— Anthony Jeselnik (@anthonyjeselnik) September 13, 2019
girl i babysit: I wanna be tall and skinny when I grow up
— haley (@haleyflynnstead) September 13, 2019
me, realizing the damage society does on young girls but too tired to correct her: me too
girl: like abraham lincoln
September 13
i can't believe shane gillis's present is resurfacing.
— Myq Kaplan (@myqkaplan) September 13, 2019
Sam Smith: My pronouns are they/them
— ashley dye (@ashleycdye) September 13, 2019
Associated Press: pic.twitter.com/8giNaHsjaL